Lost Between Two Words

This is where we begin

2010-09-29T10:58:00.000-07:00

One thousand stars, one thousand breaths
One thousand voices singing
One thousand heartbeats under my skin
This is where we begin

I'm breathing, in pieces, just tasting, the feeling
All open, suggestions, unspoken, within

And it takes me to another place
the universe the endless space above
And the world is like a mirror ball
For spinning in the afterglow of love

Skin diving, slow motion, the colours, are running
You call me, I'm coming, I'm taking it in

Come on and come on and come on
Thousand sparks

How much longer ?

2010-07-20T05:44:00.000-07:00

You rush out, it's another day
And pass yourself along the way again
How much longer ?
And you're keeping up the pace you're in
You feel like crashing into something new
How much longer ?
If your eyes are the gateway to your soul
What's broken will be whole again
And whole is hard to shatter
I'll dive into your eyes
I'm never coming out
Not until we all desolve into what matters
You wanna bury secrets deep inside
But it's too cold a place to hide them all
How much longer ?
So somewhere in your eyes I see
A wall of fire moving toward me
I'm here
So come on, come on,
All is forgiven
So come on, come live the life you're given
If you go out, it's a sunny day
Away, away !
Come on, come on !
All is forgiven
So come on, come live the life ...

Your favorite position

2010-07-07T06:29:00.000-07:00

As waves came crashing down upon my shoulder
Started painting a picture in the sky and I realize
I might have no song in it
My hands are tied in a purple ribbon tightly
Tell me why you like to see me like this
Is this your favorite position to see me in
If someone told me it’ll be the last time
That she’s going to be mine
Probably I would have held for much longer
And I remember how I used to fall down into your arms so easily,
So small
It makes me so blue of sorrow, It makes so fed up of passion
Probably I would have walked away to avoid further connections.
Is this your favorite position to see me in

Pleasant creed

2009-11-09T11:14:00.000-08:00

She did it in a blink, in a soft gentle touch
She did it in a way that did take that much
She waved to the lonesome lonely heart
And the entire univers fell apart

How could it be that true, yet truth is what I ought to share
Crushed by a terrible song, yet her notes I had to spare
How could it be that strong, yet my heart deeply bled
Saved by a passion, a princess from Neverland

They say a love story could never be told
For this I raise my glass to the cieling
Leading a path beyond my existence.

A prayer

2009-10-25T06:03:00.000-07:00

If it be your will
That I fall no more
and my legs stand still
As I did before
I will fall no more
I shall wait until
I am bounded for
If it be your will

If it be your will
That my voice turns blue
From this sacred hill
I will speak for you
All your desires will be mine
If it be your will

If it be your will
If I have a choice
Let the love spill
Let your heart rejoice
And my arms will speak
All the poems from a lonely heart
If it be your will

If it be your will
I will hide inside
And will wait until
The light gets me blind
And my empty stomach will fill
Every single broken part
If it be your will

If it be your will
To drag me hollow
With this tiny pill
See all my sorrow
My veines will ache for you
And my eyes will see through your eyes
A heart that sees beyond your forehead
If it be your will ...

For the unknown one

2009-10-22T06:41:00.000-07:00

I lift my sunglasses to the awfull truth
Which can't be revealed to years of youth
Her eyes through my eyes shine brighter than love
You can say I have grown bitter
But of this you can be sure
I have grown crazier
And love ain't that pure
Beneath my hands your perfect breasts
At the upturn of your belly
Is breathing a fallen sparrow
Wherever you move I hear the sounds of closing wings
Of falling wings
I am speechless cause you're falling beside me
Because your eyelashes are the spines of fragile animals
I dread the times your mouth begins to call me hunter
So you can stick your pins in that Voodoo doll
I'm really sorry baby, it doesn't look like me at all

Parting

2009-02-24T06:22:00.000-08:00

With all my will, but much against my heart,
We two now part.
My Very Dear,
our solace is, the sad road lies so clear.
It needs no art, with faint, averted feet
And many a tear, in our opposed paths to persevere.
But, my Love,
When the one darling of our widowhead,
The nursling grief is dead,
And no dews blur our eyes to see the light
Come in evening skies,
Perchance we may,
Where now this night is day,
And even through faith of still averted feet,
Making full circle of our banishment, amazed meet;
The bitter journey to the bourne so sweet
Seasoning the termless feast of our content
With tears of recognition never dry.

Real pain

2008-11-01T07:43:00.001-07:00

The kids come from all around
With the same look in their eyes
They're bruised and boozed with nothing to lose
Some don't care if they die
This world has pushed them
Beat them to the ground
Tonight it's different
We stand on equal ground
We are all that we have
No matter what they say
And they can't take that away

See the circles form
Bodies flying left to right
Days of tensions fade away
Even if it's for one night
Controlled aggression, your only release
Helps to numb depression, real pain will never cease

You'll find out

2008-08-12T10:19:00.000-07:00

Caught a glimpse and like a fool I let her in
Consequently I discovered there's no end
Open your eyes and try to grow into your size
And all and always try to realize
Where you are and what you want
'Cause it's yours if you like
Hard to tell why like a fool I let her win
It's easier to fall when there's someone there to break it
It's easy to abuse when there's someone there to take it
It's easier to smile when you know that you can fake it
Confronted all the while with everything that you've forsaken
And the hardest thing to do is letting go of you
I'm on the ground, I'm all around
On my way out, She's up, she's down
It's easier to cry when there's someone there to hold you
Who hasn't had a chance to know the bitter and the cold you
It's easier to lie when there's no one there to scold you
Systematically discarding everyone who knows you
And the hardest thing to do is letting go of you

What else ?

2008-07-11T04:20:00.000-07:00

Stories, spoken with aimless words
No prejudice, no strings attached
Spoken words with no remorse, no incidents
What's left to see ?
What's left to understand but history repeating itself
What's there to discover but the same old flings
The same old needs, the same old desires

Is there something to share more than we did ?
Is there something to say that we didn't ?
Is there a difference or indifference has taken its leap
beyond our existence ?

Wish things weren't that clear
and lovers weren't that true
Wish I had a different fear
than torturing my life with things that blue

Forget and walk along the path you're curving
Zap-on and free your mind from aching
Live, and let the one you embrace free you
Love, and let the beloved one fill you

What else ?
but an aching heart searching for serenity ...

Sometimes

2008-06-30T02:23:00.000-07:00

I know that the sunset empire shudders and shakes
I know there's a floodgate and a raging river
I say the silence of the ribbons of iron and steel
I say hear the punch drunk huddle drive hammer and steel
Sometimes you're beaten to the call
Sometimes you're taken to the wall
But you don't give in
I know that the cannibals wear smart suits and ties
I know they arm wrestle on the altar
I say don't leave your heart in a hard place
Sometimes you're shaken to the core
Sometimes the face is gonna fall
But you don't give in

Crystal clear

2008-05-05T05:08:00.000-07:00

They say it's you that makes me do things
I might not have done if you were away
And that it's you that like to walk on me
And watch me as I walk away
Don't say it's pointless, don't say forget it
Don't bring me wishes of empty dreams
Just say it's all from too much boredom
Too many fingers and too many things
They say it's you that washes the weary
And brings the night into the day
If you won't notice, how can I show you
All of you worries, have all gone away
Don't leave me lonely, don't leave me unhappy
Just bring me up into your fate
If you don't need me, then don't deceive me
Letting my freedom turn into stone
Just be my angel, if you love me
Be my angel, all through the night
Be my angel, and treat me right
Don't say you love me, if you don't feel me
Don't send me roses, on your behalf
Just take me down, and walk through the life
Holding on to you, holding on to me
Holding on tight, 'till my love is crossed
Don't say it's useless, and don't say forget it
You are a spirit, don't go away
Mazzy Star

A crazy soul

2008-04-29T05:17:00.000-07:00

Things happen when we least expect them
That's what the book said.
Things are meant to be
That's what some people say.
Things are here to make us see
Thats' what I pray.

Thinking of the unknown, travelling through its crazy realms
Exploring, falling, feeling that It'll never end in screams

You said humans are perfect liars
And i'll be a liar to believe in what you preach
Do you fear me or you're pretending indifference ?
Do you want me or all that you await is a glance of foolishness ?
Do you hate me and all you plan for is a partial crash ?
Do you feel me or your passion is but
a letter to recieve when we least expect it ?

Go away and let me be
Disappear and let me see
The day will come and you'll be a simple souvenir
The night will fall and I'll be your slave and you my fear

Touched

2008-04-20T07:34:00.000-07:00

You live your life on sad pathetic morals
Whilst grasping your knife using it to solve quarrels
Why can't you, why won't you admit that you're a fake ?
Why can't you, why won't you see these hearts ache ?
Touched... you'll say that I am too,
So much of what you say is true.
The razors and the dying roses plead;
I won't leave you alone with demi-gods and hungry ghosts
God knows I'm not at home.
I look into your eyes and I see a world that does not exist
I look through your forehead and I see a world I wish I was in
Take another walk out of your fake world
Please put all the drugs out of your hand
You'll see that you can breath without no back up
and that the same blood runs in every hand.

fame

2008-02-24T13:32:00.000-08:00

Life is but a memory
Happened long ago.
Theatre full of sadness
For a long forgotten show.
Seems so easy
Just to let it go on by
Till you stop and wonder
Why you never wondered why.

Safe in the womb
Of an everlasting night
You find the darkness can
Give the brightest light.
Safe in your place deep in the earth
That's when they'll know what you were really worth.

Forgotten while you're here
Remembered for a while
A much updated ruin
From a much outdated style.
Fame is but a fruit tree
So very unsound.
It can never flourish
Till its stalk is in the ground.

So men of fame
Can never find a way
Till time has flown
Far from their dying day.

Unseen

2007-11-01T07:48:00.000-07:00

I walked out and thought for a time I could see no defense, and I thought for a while you were me, we were wrong, in our time, always down, out of line.
I relaxed from the days filled with bloodsport in vain, and returned with the knowledge that we're two the same, two in hell, two set free, too alike, you to me.
And we watched everything pass us by in due course, always tied by a mutual feeling that lost, we were two, two in hell, two set free, known too well.
In the back of my mind, all I feel is mistrust, in the back of my mind, all I see is the dirt, segregation of thoughts, ideals turning to dust.
Where some houses once stood, stands a man with a gun, in some neighbourhood, a father hangs up his son, in the back of my mind.
Don't think I'd have stayed just for one more day, it seems so much like home, no room to go astray, don't think I could watch - with mindless, empty tasks, intake moving in, forced to walk a lonely path.
Pictures all around, of how good a life should be, a model for the rest, that bred insecurity, I walked a jagged line and then came back for more, it's always in my mind, an institution with no law.
I can see a thousand wills just bending in the night. And all the pretty faces painted grey to match the sky, from a distance seeing friends just washed up on the shore, a picture in my mind of what's to come before the storm.
In time, we don't belong in our own lifetime.

I can hear the voices lost in echoes as they build, new homes to hide the sadness that the search for more had killed, from a by road seeing friends just washed up on the shore. Picture in my mind of what's to come before the storm.
I can feel an emptiness and see heads held in shame, trapped inside a legacy of everyone to blame. In the distance see myself just washed up on the shore, a picture in my mind of what will come before the storm.
We won't crawl and never show our faces, we'll stand firm and never show the traces, of the fear we knew but always could disguise, of this sinking feeling hid behind our eyes.
Nothing seems real anymore. Even the flames from the fire seem to beckon to me, drawing me into some great past life buried somewhere deep in my subconscious, if only I could find the key..if only..if only. Ever since my illness, my condition, I've been trying to find some logical way of passing my time, of justifying a means to an end.

He desires love, in some special way against all perversion, fed with fruits of decay. He remembers, how the guilty have seen, all the pure but selfish, buried deep in his dreams.
He sees a vision in the sky, looking down on him, calling him by name, he sees faces from yesterday, of what might have been, but the past must still remain.
He desires love, not some perfect affair, in hotels of steel and glass, just to cross on the stairs, but he can still see, all the angels in time, as his dreams of ecstasy, turned to nightmares of crime.
He sees a vision in the sky, looking down at him, how the past will remain, yeah he sees a vision in the sky, staring down at him, he'll always see the same.
Sure I'll see you down, you do for me what I did for you, cure just takes you down, we're down for good that's understood.
Door slides open, Jane laughs. A view from above sticks his head out of the window and dries his eyes. I remember a winter sometime ago, angular patterns formed deep in the ground, where someone once stood. White on black, white on white. Echoed voices bouncing off the buildings around.
A ramp to the trees and trees all around, I remember a tear, frozen white on white, I remember nothing. A grey saloon, Jane sighs, winds down the window and stares at the road.
Some things never make sense, crouches shivering in the corner, blanket 'round your shoulder, hot then cold, cold then warm, pulse is racing, slowly racing - stopped. I remember nights listening to untill dawn, I remember nothing. Some things never make sense, a fear of stepping out.
Door slowly opens, Jane sits on his bed, lays down and dies.
A wider alliance that leads to new roads beyond the limits, holding hands, jumping off walls into dark seclusion, cut off from the mainstream of most intimate yearnings, I left my heart somewhere on the other side, I left all desire for good.
Clinging to naked thought, impossible tactics worked out for impossible means. This is the final moment of respite. The final page in the book. A bitter challenge between old and new, with one last warning.

Killing me again

2007-04-16T05:29:00.000-07:00

You're tearing me apart
Crushing me inside
You used to lift me up
Now you get me down
If I was to walk away
From you, my love
Could I laugh again?

If I walk away from you
And leave my love
Could I laugh again?
You're killing me again

Am I still in your head?
You used to light me up
Now you shut me down
I'm losing you again
Lacking me inside
I used to lift you up
Now I get you down

Without your love
You're tearing me apart
With you close by
You're crushing me inside
Without your love
You're tearing me apart
Without your love
I'm doused in madness
I can't lose the sadness

Homesick

2007-04-06T08:15:00.000-07:00

My dearest,

I've missed you very very much since that last night we were together and will hold that night especially in my memories for years to come; I've been turning it over and over in my mind lately; I've read you're letter through at least 4 times and will probably read it more times before I'm through.

I've been sitting here looking at you're picture and getting more home sick every minute.

I've wanted that picture more than anything else I know of except of course you, you're self.

I keep thinking of you and keep wishing I could be home with you; I want to leave in the worst possible way so I could come home to see you but things don't look to good on that subject.

This war has spoiled a lot of things for everyone I guess, I've never been so lonesome in my life as I am right now, I'm completely lost without you; I never realized I could miss any person so much.

I just hope it won't be too much longer till I'm able to be with you again and live a sane and normal life.

Francia and She

2007-04-04T09:55:00.000-07:00

Pavlov hits me with more bad news every time I answer the phone
so I play and I sing and I just let it ring,
all day when I'm at home
A defacto choice of macro-microcosmic melancholy
but honey anyway you sliced it,
I'm thinking I could just as soon use the time alone

The Goons have gone global
and the CEO's are shredding files
and the democrans and the republicrats
are flashing their fake smiles
and Uncle Tom is posing for a photo with the oval office klan
and Uncle Sam is rigging cockfights in the promised land
and that knife you stuck in my back is still there
it pinches a little when I sigh and roam
and these days I'm thinkin I could just as soon use the time alone
because all the wrong people have the power of suggestion
and the freedom of the press is meaningless if nobody asks the question

I mean causation by definition is such a complex compilation
of factors that to even try to say why
is to oversimplify
that's a far cry,
isn't it dear, from acting like you're the only one there
unrepentantly self-centered and unfair
enter_all suckers scrambling for the scoop
exit:_miss.eye-contact who took her flirt and flew the coup
but whatever, no matter, no fishing trips,
cause I'm officially out of commission
and did I mention in there, somewhere in there
that I traded Jesus,
yes I traded the only player that was bigger than the game
and I can't even tell you why,
cause you'd think I'm insane.
and that's the truth

and the music industry mafia is pimping girl power
sniping off sharp-shooter singles from their styrofoam towers,
and hip-hop is tied up in the back room with a logo stuffed in its mouth
cause the master's tools will never dismantle the master's house
but then, I'm getting away from myself
as I get closer and closer home
and the difference between you and me
is I get fucked up when I'm alone

and I must admit today
that my inner pessimist seems to have gotten the best of me
we start out sugared up on kool aid and manifest destiny
and then we memorize all the presidents names like little trained monkeys
and we spit into the world so many spinny-eyed TV junkies
incapable of unraveling the military-industrial mystery
pre-emptively passified with history book, it's history
and I've been around the world now and I can see this about Francia
the mind control is deep here, the myopia is steep here,
and behold those who try to expose the reality
really try to realize democracy
are shot with rubber bullets and gazed-off the streets
while the global power brokers are kept clean and discreet
behind a wall, behind a moat
and that is all
that's all

and my heart beats an SOS
because folks just really couldn't care less
as long as every day is happy sunday
and larger than life women in lingerie are pouting at us from every bus stop
she loves me, she loves me not
she loves me, she loves me not
she loves me, she loves me not

and "big government should not stand between a man and his money
I mean, "what's good for business is good for the country",
conjugate liberty into libertarian
and medicated associated with deregulation privitization
we won't even know we're slaves on a corporate plantation
somebody say hallelujah,
somebody say damnation,

cause the profit system follows the path of least resistance
and the path of least resistance is what makes the river crooked
makes it serpentine
capitalism is the devil's wet dream
so just give me my Judy Garland drugs and let me get back to work
cause the empire state building is the tallest building in New York
and I have always got the feeling
you just like to hear it fall . . . off your tongue
but I remember my name in your mouth
and I don't think I was done hearing it close to my ear
on a whisper's way to a moan
Ani Difranco

It's coming

2007-03-29T05:25:00.000-07:00

Every night my dream's the same
Same old girl with a different name
Birds are coming to take me away
I don't know why, but I know I can't stay
There's a weight that's pressing down
Late at night you can hear the sound
Even the noise you make when you sleep
I can't swim across a river so deep
They know my name cause I told it to them
But they don't know where and they don't know
When it's coming

There's a fear I keep so deep
I knew its name since before I could speak
If some night I don't come home
Please don't think I've left you alone
The same place animals go when they die
You can't climb across a mountain so high
The same city where I go when I sleep

Senses & desires

2007-03-15T06:41:00.000-07:00

I will be your purple angel of a lost memory
You will hear me at dawn, in an infinite desire
Come, sit next to me and taste the essence of life
My wings spread in these burning nights
Where the Human is the object when Love is pilfering
The fools whirling where pleasure is fraud
Time stands still, in these obscure desires
Where the other is only wind, senses appear hard
Infant purity vanished in these impure nights
I would be your purple angel, the feather of memories
Sometimes reflecting, always repenting
To overcome such glory, all ends up dying

Wont you change your mind

2007-01-22T14:10:00.000-08:00

Well I think I see another side
Maybe just another light that shines
And I look over now through the door
And I still belong to no one else
Maybe I hold you to blame for all the reasons that you left.
And close my eyes till I see your surprise
And you're leaving before my time.
Baby wont you change your mind?
Surely don't stay long I'm missing you now.
It's like I told you I'm over you somehow
Before I close the door
I need to hear you say goodbye.

I guess that hasn't changed someone
Maybe nobody else could understand
I guess that you believe you are a woman
And that I am someone else's man
But just before I see that you leave
I want you to hold on to things that you said
Baby I wish I were dead.

Nobody's war

2006-12-31T04:41:00.000-08:00

Photographs of guns and flame
Scarlet skull and distant game
Bayonet and jungle grin
Nightmares dreamed by bleeding men
Lookouts tremble on the shore
But no man can find the war

Tape recorders echo scream
Orders fly like bullet stream
Drums and cannons laugh aloud
Whistles come from ashen shroud
Leaders damn the world and roar
But no man can find the war

Is the war across the sea?
Is the war behind the sky?
Have you each and all gone blind:
Is the war inside your mind?

Humans weep at human death
All the talkers lose their breath
Movies paint a chaos tale
Singers see and poets wail
All the world kows the score
But no man can find the war

Janie don't you know

2006-12-31T04:30:00.000-08:00

You've got the untortured mind of a woman
Who has answered all the questions before.
You've got the free-givin' ways of a woman
Who has kicked all the heartache out the door.
And Janie, don't you know? I been tryin'

Yes, I truly love to be with you
If I wasn't with the one that I'm with.
Yes, I truly love to lie with you
If I didn't have to give what I give.
I brought to you my tired plans and weary faith to you
And with a smile you took me in and showed me love again
Now it has to be say good-bye or stayin',
I don't know
But remember please, I gave you love that's only mine to give

What the fuck was I thinking ?

2006-12-01T06:00:00.000-08:00

Love grows in me like a tumor,
Parasites bent on devouring its host.
I'm developing my sense of humor,
Until I can laugh at my heart between your teeth,
Until I can laugh at my face beneath your feet.
Love on the stove is such a temptation,
Maybe I'll be the lucky one that doesn't get burned.

What the fuck was I thinking?
Love plows through me like a dozer,
I've got more give than a bale of hay,
and there's always a big mess left over.
What did you do? What did you say?

What the fuck was I thinking?
Love tears me up like a demon.
Opens the wounds and fills them with lead,
and I'm having some trouble just breathing.
If we weren't such good friends, I think that I'd hate you.
If we weren't such good friends, I'd wish you were dead

Love is so embarrasing
I'm this awkward and uncomfortable thing,
and I'm running out of places to hide
You know that I've got what you want

What the fuck was I thinking?
by J.Owens

Acid

2006-10-29T10:37:00.000-08:00

When it begins, sound rushes in and drowns out everything
Sideways in bed, you cover your ears, the roar is deafening
When it won’t quit, you stagger up and into the hall
But out there it’s louder, somebody’s party!
You start to yell
Please! Would you quiet down? You’re killing me!
It’s 2 AM, I'm trying to sleep!
But the sound keeps going, ‘til the walls are shaking
And no one answers though you keep running around and banging on doors
And it seems strange there’s no one home, you start to wonder
“Who’s making that noise if I’m up here all alone?”
But then the pitch hits and you stop caring
Cause what was piercing is now controlled
And there’s no who and no why and there’s no conflict
You breathe it out and let it go.
You start a song and when you sing the sound is gone!
And when you sing the lights come on!
And then the doors all open wide!
And then the whole hall staggers out and sings along!
You rub your eyes…they come closer… it’s a party!

Alive

2006-10-20T07:49:00.000-07:00

There's a place not that far from here
Where people go when their dreams have died
As I walk from it's faceless streets
I must be the last one alive
Whereare you, you're not with me
Numb my mind with this fantasy
Watching people live and die on screen
Where are you, you're not with me
Where are you, I'm free

You left me high and dry it changed me
You lied to me now I am angry
And if the sun comes in your room
And awakes you from your vanity
"You won't find me "cause
I'll be on top of a mountain pissing on your grave

There's a place from where I just arrived
And I escaped the last one alive
Where are youYou're not with me
Where are you I'm free

Illusions ACT2

2006-09-21T08:10:00.000-07:00

I wonder what you are doing now
I hope that you're feeling happy now
Tears washes over me
Running through my open seams
I'm stained and scared all over
You pretend we're lost again
Waiting for you to say when we'll be found
He wont go where I would go for you
He wont be able to see beyond your forehead
I'd curse my heart for you
I am dreaming White & Hazel

Illusions - ACT 1

2006-09-11T14:34:00.000-07:00

Why do I fall in love with every woman I see who shows me the least bit of attention?
Why do i fall for every woman who, I Know, that this same woman, will make me suffer and hurt even before touching her, even before smelling her scent?

It's horrifying how much you can hate yourself for being low and weak and you couldn't get out of that.
Nobody makes us feel that, we do that for ourselves.
I don't know if I'm going to get a second chance but I have to believe. That I deserve one. Because we all do.
I am an alcoholic. The best person I ever met. I have 600 different smiles. They can light up a life. They can make you laugh out loud, just like that. They can even make you cry, just like that. That's just with the smiles.
Technically speaking, the "Alcohol" operation is brain damage, but on a par with a night of heavy drinking. Nothing you'll miss.

Die Laughing

2006-08-29T08:46:00.000-07:00

Did you ever wake up in the morning
With a freight-train running through your head
An empty whiskey bottle by your pillow
And a burned out unfinished cigarette

The night went up in smoke
Life is but a joke man
But I see nobody laughing

Did you ever live a day
Like the next day would never come
Blood's dripping on the floor, but who cares
Who needs you anyway
You're a stranger to yourself

And this ain't no joke man
But I can't stop laughing

Greedy, angry people make me run around in circles
Backwards, down the lonely road that keeps me run around in circles
How I want to try again

Excuse me can you lead me
I just want to try again
Excuse me can you lead the way
Just take me by the hand

In a dark and crowded bar
The barman keeps on pouring
and I'm kissing everyone
The night will never end
'Cause my heart is so away

That's why I am still laughing

SHE

2006-08-22T09:21:00.000-07:00

I am looking for answers to questions never posed
I haven't got a clue, I'm living like a ghost
I can't seem to read the signs
I'm swimming in the sand,
I'm searching

I hold on to your reasons,
I'll hold on to my dreams
It's all good and bad advice
'cause you have to choose
One friend says to go ahead,
another one says don't
I'm searching

Whatever I try I can't find her
Wherever I roam it's all gone
Looking for an answer to change my point of view
Waiting for somebody, someone to relate to
Hoping for forgiveness, I'm living on thin air
I'm searching

Yearning for a SHE, to show me what to do
I'm learning from failure, that's all that I can do
Working on solutions, a fiction of truth
Keep on searching

No! you can't find her, first you got to lose her

Illusions

2006-08-20T05:11:00.000-07:00

I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)
The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes & the whole world drops dead.
I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit sin and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead
(I think I made you up inside my head.)
Oh Love! sweet illusion of my dreams.

This poem was nominated for the semi-finals on Poetry.com

Excuse me please

2006-08-07T07:22:00.000-07:00

Neon shines through smoky eyes tonight.
It’s 2 am - I’m drunk again, it’s heavy on my mind
I thought I could never feel again so much as I felt her!
Where you end is where I begin,
It's like a river going through.
Take my eyes, take my heart, I need them no more
If never again they fall upon the one I so adore

Excuse me please! one more drink
Could you make it strong ‘cause I don’t need to think
She broke my heart my “C” is gone
One more drink and I’ll move on

One drink to remember, then another to forget
How could I ever dream to find sweet love like you again
One drink to remember and another to forget
You think of things impossible and the sun refuses to shine

I woke with you beside me, your cold hand lay in mine
Excuse me please one more drink

I AM

2006-08-06T05:06:00.000-07:00

I swear that I can go on forever again
Please let me know that my “one bad day” will end
I will go down as your lover, your friend
Give me your lips and with one kiss we begin

Are you afraid of being alone
‘Cause I am, I'm lost without you
Are you afraid of leaving tonight
‘Cause I am, I'm empty without you

I'll leave my room open until sunrise, for you
I'll keep my eyes patiently focused, on you
Where are you now? I can hear footsteps! I'm dreaming
And if you will, keep me from waking to believe this

I plan on sleeping

2006-08-03T08:49:00.000-07:00

Last week I had the strangest dream
Where everything was exactly how it seemed
Where there was never any mystery of who shot John F. Kennedy
It was just a man with something to prove
Slightly bored and severely confused
He steadied his rifle with his target in the centre
And became famous on that day in November

Don't wake me I plan on sleeping

Again last night I had that strange dream
Where everything was exactly how it seemed
Where concerns about the world getting warmer
The people thought they were just being rewarded
For treating others as they'd like to be treated
For obeying stop signs and curing diseases
For mailing letters with the address of the sender
Now we can swim any day in September

Don't wake me I plan on sleeping

I never knew there would be a better tomorrow

2006-08-03T05:49:00.000-07:00

I never knew there would be a better tomorrow
and here you are, blooming in my life,
like a Dove from heaven, like a kissable Rose.
For this time, I will leave words aside
but my pen wont dry until the next time it'll meet
the illusions of you

Intemperate

2006-07-29T04:10:00.000-07:00

"Love is a choice," he said modestly, and offered his devotion.
"I'm a persistent lover," he smiled, beaming with simple emotion.
"Don't be silly!" she laughed to the wind, "It's a disease, we all recover".

It's a stallion sniffing the mountain air and choices are fences to leap over.

"Still," he said, "I will love you forever,"and caught a fatal dose of passion
The wild horse battered his houseand scattered his possessions.

A Starving Artist

2006-07-28T15:28:00.000-07:00

Paint me the colors I have never seen
Make me feel the passion in your eyes.
With your talents touch me deep within
My submission will be your very prize.
I am the canvas you will make an impression upon.
How will you paint it?
The violent blazing of a red sun?
The emptiness of a bottomless pit?
The pureness of a cool wintry snow?
Will I feel like an eagle soaring high?
Will I be left empty, full of sorrow?
Will I be overjoyed, or sad and cry?
Whatever your final decision may be,
you won't be a starving artist leaving me.

Baby It's You

2006-07-27T15:22:00.000-07:00

I woke up with a strange taste in my mouth. It was you.
While you were asleep I used your shampoo.
It made me smell just like you.
While you were asleep I went through your clothes.
I stole your T-shirt. Wore it to work.
The people there were saying, "Where did you get that T-shirt?
It really isn't you." And I said, "Yes it is."
But that wasn't true. It wasn't me. It was you.
While you were asleep I had breakfast with my friend.
We got into an argument and he said, "Where did you get that attitude?"
He said it was new. It wasn't new. It was you.
If I had back-up singers they'd be going, "Baby, it's you.

Baby, it's you." But I don't. Baby, it's you.
"Here I go again. I hear those trumpets blow. I'm all aglow.
Taking a chance on love.

Loving You

2006-07-27T04:08:00.000-07:00

Even if my heart would break
I know for sure this pain I'd take
Even if I would cry for years
I know your love would dry my tears
Even if my soul would tear
No matter what, I'll still be there
Even if your love you'll hide,
Hand me your heart
I will search inside
Even if I am sad tomorrow
I know for sure good times will follow
And,Even if the things we wish never quite come true
I just want you to forever remember that
I can't stop loving you.

Wined and Dined

2006-07-26T15:25:00.000-07:00

While we're sitting here and dining,

My head enjoys the feast.

Your palate is feeling pleasure,

And my mind has you complete.

As you enjoy your dinner,

Your mouth my tongue explores.

I've been underneath the table,

As I taste you from the floor.

You sit there in your innocence,

Your conversation light.

As you sip between your sentences

Your juices quench me right.

I'm sitting here and smiling

An occasional nod to my head.

The least that you're suspecting

Is that you have been my bread.

While I am here devouring you

My mind has you undressed.

My eyes and lips are smiling

While my thoughts your thighs caress.

My pulse accelerating

If the diners only knew

What I have been experiencing,

How I have dined on you.

We're approaching dessert now,

The culmination time.

While you sip your cappuccino,

Your body feeds me wine.

The waitress is approaching us;

The guest check she has brought.

There's a nice tip on the table

For my belly full of lust.

Hoping

2006-07-26T15:24:00.001-07:00

Whatever I have said or sung,
Some bitter notes my strings would give,
Though there often seemed to live
A contradiction on the tongue,
Yet Hope had never lost my youth;
I did but look through dimmer eyes;
Or Love but played with gracious lies,
Because I felt so fixed in truth:

And if the songs were full of care,
I breathed the spirit of the song;
And if the words were sweet and strong
I set my royal signet there;

Abiding with me till I sail
To seek HER on the mystic deeps,
And this electric force, that keeps
A thousand pulses dancing, fail.

Desolate

2006-07-26T15:24:00.000-07:00

All Is Desolate
Music I heard with you was more than music,
And bread I broke with you was more than bread;
Now that I am without you, all is desolate;
All that was once so beautiful is dead.

Your hands once touched this table and this silver,
And I have seen your fingers hold this glass,
These things do not remember you, beloved,
And yet your touch upon them will not pass.

For it was in my heart you moved among them,
And blessed them with your hands and with your eyes;
And in my heart they will remember always,
They knew you once, O beautiful and wise.

They knew your soft touch, your smooth lips
Your unfailing Love, your desire to breath
I knew you though you’re gone
Taking a leap behind my existence.

Forever Young

2006-07-26T15:23:00.000-07:00

Youth is not a time of life - it is a state of mind, it is a temper
of the will, a quality of the imagination, a vigor of the emotions, a
predominance of courage over timidity, of the appetite for
adventure over love of ease.

Nobody grows old by merely living a number of years; people
grow old only by deserting their ideals. Years wrinkle the skin, but
to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul. Worry, doubt, self-distrust,
fear and despair - these are the long, long years that bow
the head and turn the growing spirit back to dust.

Whether seventy or sixteen, there is in every being's heart the
love of wonder, the sweet amazement at the stars and starlike
things and thoughts, the undaunted challenge of events, the
unfailing childlike appetite for what next, and the joy and the
game of life.

You are as young as your faith, as old as your doubt; as young
as your self-confidence, as old as your fear, as young as your hope, as old as your despair.

So long as your heart receives messages of beauty, cheer,
courage, grandeur and power from the earth, from man and from
the Infinite, so long you are young.

When the wires are all down and all the innermost core of your
heart is covered with the snows of pessimism and the ice of
cynicism, then you are grown old indeed and may God have mercy on your soul.

A Romantic Fool

2006-07-26T15:22:00.000-07:00

Socrates, with all your wisdom,
Did you ever find truth in youth?
Did Maslow, with simple ladder,
Ever ascend last step while young?
Did Jesus, while adolescent,
Keep in mind his Father divine?
Upon the shore, I’ve waited long,
Despite my wish I catch no fish,
For none swim round the shallow clear.
With faith I’ll wait for ship that’s fit,
To carry me to deeper realms.
Despite my wisdom relative,
I’m no wise man, shrink, or preacher:
I’m wholly a romantic fool,Who paints the world with brilliant words

At times we do change

2006-07-26T15:21:00.000-07:00

As we lay there quiet
I was reminded of all the reasons why I lust you:
Your smile, and the way it teased at me seductively
Your laugh, and the way it tempted me
Your eyes, and the way they seemed to hypnotize me

As we sat there silent
I was reminded of all the reasons why I love you
Your smile, and the way it brings such life into me
Your laugh, and the way it makes everything okay
Your eyes, and the way them seem to read my thoughts

As we stand here now
I am reminded of all the reasons why I hate you
Your smile, and the way it confuses me
Your laugh, and the way it seems to mock meYour eyes, and the way they can look into mine and not feel a thing.

Dreaming of You

2006-07-26T15:20:00.000-07:00

It’s at moments after I have dreamed
of the rare entertainment of your eyes,
when being fool to fancy I have deemed

With your peculiar mouth my heart made wise;
at moments when the glassy darkness holds
The genuine apparition of your smile
It was through tears always and silence moulds
such strangeness as was mine a little while;

Moments when once more my illustrious arms
are filled with fascination, when my heart
wears the intolerant brightness of your charms:

One pierced moment whiter than the rest
Turning from the tremendous lie of sleep
I watch the roses of the day grow deep.

Light and Silence

2006-07-26T15:19:00.000-07:00

Everything that you’ve lost, they told me,
Is for you.
Any memory wont remember that it’s certain.

Everything that you destroyed, they confirmed,
Kills you.
Traces a scare that can’t be washed by forgetfulness.

Everything that you loved, they judged,
Is dead.
‘Cause in the shades, there’s always something that ends.

Everything that you believed in, they repeated,
Is wrong.
Words have fallen and your time has began.

Everything that you’ve lost, they concluded,
Is for you.
A fugitive light will enlighten this silence.

Never Missed

2006-07-26T15:18:00.000-07:00

I run outside; Tears streaming down my face
No one knows me.
No one sees the hate.
People assume too much.
And think all I need is a hug or a touch.
I need more.
I need love, joy, comfort.
But wait. That’s not for me
No one will love me,
No one. Just wait and see.
I fall, the snow is around me
Cold and freezing.
I fall on my knees.
It takes over my body
I lie there. What’s the use?
No one needs me.
I’m so confused.
Peace, love, harmony
Yeah-right.
I tried to have that with all my might.
I dig into my pocket and find my pocketknife
Open it and then think twice.
What if there is someone out there for me?
I wonder who it would be?
Reality steps in again.
No one is out there,
No one will ever care.
I slit my wrists
Knowing I will never be missed.

A Music to a Song

2006-07-26T15:17:00.000-07:00

I was sort of hoping
That you would come along
Like the answer to a prayer
And the music to a song.
Like the kind of thing that happens
At a special place and time,
That will change our lives forever
Like a fantasy of mine.
The fantasy was there before
I ever knew your name,
And now that I have found you
We will never be the same.
So, pardon, if I look at you,
Forgive me if I stare,
At the fantasy I knew before
I saw you standing there.
For I was always hoping
That you would come along,
Like the answer to a prayer,
And the music to a song.

Fake You

2006-07-26T15:14:00.000-07:00

DON'T LOOK AT ME THAT WAY
I don't want you to see my pain, it's too graphic for you

DON'T TALK TO ME THAT WAY
I don't need you to patronize me, it's too potent for you

DON'T FEEL ME IN THAT WAY
I don't desire you anymore, it's too demanding for you

DON'T TASTE ME IN THAT WAY
I don't crave for you, that's too authentic for you...

and by the way,
DON'T HEAR ME IN THAT WAYYou never tried to anyway, that would have been too real for you.

A Bond

2006-07-26T15:13:00.000-07:00

A glance to your face,
a part-smile,
a half-turn;
hold up your hand,
let my fingers
touch yours.

Luminous delight,
mutual quiet,
two as one;
breathless captives
in time's
endless web.

Your finger comes
to touch a lip,
cascading
new magnificence.

Engaged by sudden desire,
my mouth finds yours,
and a different unionresonates.

Did You?

2006-07-26T04:06:00.000-07:00

Did you ever wake up wondering where I was?

Did you ever want to phone me just because?

Did I ever cross your mind when you were down in the dumps?

Did you ever think of me & get Goosebumps?

Did you ever want to be so close to me you could die?

Because if you answered Yes!

So did I

Tomorrow

2006-07-26T02:58:00.000-07:00

I see you falling, how long to go before you hit the ground?
You keep on screaming, Don't you see me here?
am I a ghost to you?
Now your grips too strong
You can't catch love with a net or a gun
Got to keep faith that your path will change
Got to keep faith that your love will change
Tomorrow
Why are you phoning?
What am I to do when you're miles away?
You're always calling
From the darkest rooms... and we're both scared
I'm just out of your range, tomorrow
Tomorrow all your suffering's in vain

A Sunflower

2006-03-29T10:15:00.000-08:00

I see you there in glory shining bright,
Following the sun and its path of light.
Standing tall above all others in the field,
You grow, conquer, and do not yield.
With your petals of yellow and leaves of green
How very easily you are seen.

But there is more to you than first sight,
More than beauty and grander to delight.
Every beautiful aspect that appears,
Gives praise to the Father dear.

He made you a part of creation,
And you praise him in glorious celebration!
Sunflower, how I long to be like you!
Glorifying life in all I do.
I can learn from you, my love,
The passion of living, of loving, of shining

Et pourtant

2006-02-09T05:39:00.000-08:00

Tu quittes . . . Ce n'est rien; tu es simplement passées dans la pièce à côté.
Je suis moi, tu es toi
Ce que nous étions l'un pour l'autre, nous le sommes toujours
Donnes - moi le nom que tu m'as toujours donné,
Parle-moi comme tu l'as toujours fait
N'emploie pas un ton solennel et triste,
Continue à rire de ce qui nous faisait rire ensemble
Prie, souris, pense à moi,
Que mon nom soit prononcé comme il l'a toujours été,
Sans emphase d'aucune sorte, sans trace d'ombre,
La vie signifie tout ce qu'elle a toujours signifié,
Elle est ce qu'elle a toujours été. Le fil n'est pas coupé,
Simplement parce que je suis hors de ta vue.
Je t'attends, je ne suis pas loin,
Juste de l'autre côté du chemin,
Tu vois, tout est bien
Et pourtant, je sens cette agonie, cette soufrance,
Cette tristesse qui me hante,
Qui me tue et me poignarde.
Je sens que notre relation est très distante,
Même insensée. C'est d'Aimer,
Mais ça fait mal d'aimer sans voir l'être aimé,
Sans le caresser, l'enlacer, le toucher.
Je suis prêt à mourir pour pouvoir toucher tes cheveux,
Je crève, je pleure, et pourtant,
Je t'aurai aimé.